The lateness of Kakashi Hatake
by Timetrixter22
Summary: The Life and lateness of Kakashi Hatake delving into the past of one of the most annoying ninja in history. Oneshot first of many maybe .


The Lateness of Kakashi Hatake

Disclaimer: (The amazingly handsome author walks in) I do not own Naruto. At least not until I finish my multidimensional machine and use it to go to a dimension where I do MWHAAAAAAAA!

Ahem I mean... ummm... ahhhh (astoundingly handsome author throws smoke ball down) You'll never catch me now suckers. (Smoke clears and author is still there) I'm just gonna go now. Bye! (Exit stage ?, well if I tell you that, you might find me).

-KH-

The story of Kakashi Hatake began on a day like any other. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and a women was screaming bloody murder at her husband. Said man was currently cowering in the corner muttering obscenities at his son under his breath.

A doctor walked into the room and announced that his son should be born any second. A minute passed, and then another, and another, and another. An hour later and his son still hadn't be born yet and his wife was throwing things at him such as an IV, a chair, a doctor, and priceless Ming vase.

"When will you be born?" The poor, injured, and broken body (formally known as Sakumo Hatake) wondered.

_2 hours later_

A beaten and blooded Sakumo Hatake lay twitching on the floor, limbs spread in a manner that could _not_ have been pleasant. It had take a grand total of three hours but finally, _**finally**_, the doctor held up the small form of a baby Kakashi Hatake. The baby had shining gravity defying silver hair, a lazy expression and. . . a_ mask? _Shaking his head the doctor looked at the baby again and sure enough there was a mask there.

Deciding not to think about this less he suffer brain damage, he handed the baby to his mother. Today would mark the beginning of many peoples frustration. The Sandaime, Minato Namikaze, Obito Uchiha (also a baby), Asuma Sarutobi ( a toddler), and many, many, **many** others felt a chill crawl up their spines.

-KH-

Many years passed and Kakashi Hatake gained a fearsome nickname, Taidana Kakashi. Feared for his three great jutsu, the horrendously powerful _3 hours late jutsu, a_nd his even more powerful,_ Incredibly_ _B__ad Excuse technique_. And finally the unbelievably terrifying _giggle like a psycho while reading a really stupid book with absolutely no end, as its the only book he reads, _(The last one was almost constantly active, since it would take way to long to announce during a battle)_. _Thesewere the techniques he used on his poor vict, err... I mean his lucky students.

"You're late sensei!" Sakura Haruno screeched. Activating one of his prized techniques Kakashi responded with, "Well you see I ran into a mouse, which scurried into the street, which scared a nearby elephant, which destroyed the cart of a cabbage merchant, which caused a bunch of cabbages to roll into the street, which caused a stampede by a bunch of angry vegetable lovers, who caused a telephone pole to fall, which caused a fire.

Then I had to put the fire out with a suiton, which caused a flood that nearly drowned a cat, that I had to save, only to have it scratch me, so I had to go to the hospital to get it checked out because it had rabies, but the hospital couldn't see me because the electricity cut out because of the vegetable lovers, so I had to go to a herbalist on the other side of town, who gave me a cure that knocked me out, and that's why I'm late."

At this point his students were so aghast that their jaws fall to the ground. "You. ..you. . . you. . ." Naruto stuttered. Nothing game to the befuddled and angry trio of genin, who eventually turned on their heels and walked away. Shrugging, Kakashi walked away activating his third technique as he did so_._

-KH-

Even more years passed and Kakashi lay on his death bed. He was old and feeble and yet he still had his mask on. His old students came forward to see him in his dying moments (and to finally see what he looked like under his mask). They all said their goodbyes and then Kakashi closed his eyes. People started weeping, and Naruto started to reach toward his late (hehe,pun) sensei. Just then Kakashi opened his eyes, "False alarm people", he said with a chuckle, "not dead yet." Just then his eyes widened and he gasped before closing his eyes once more.

Once again people started to weep, and again Kakashi opened his eyes. A few people groaned in annoyance. Some one in the back of the crowed told him to hurry up and die already, a few people threw things at him.

Three hours later Kakashi died.

The funeral occurred the next day. All of Konoha showed up to it. They gathered around the hole in a circle, his students being first and foremost. Standing in front of his grave they waited for his casket to arrive. And waited, and waited, and waited some more, for **five** **hours.** Gai, with youthful tears coming out of his youthful eyes youthfully cried out "Curse you Kakashi, and your hip ways."

In a fit of youthfulness Gai and Lee hugged and caused their triple S ranked jutsu _the sunset illusion of youth!_. "Owww my hip", the two cried. Kakashi's casket finally arrived an agonizing six hours later. And so ends the story of Kakashi Hatake, a brave, powerful, and lazy looking ninja. Though he is dead, his memory persists, inspiring future generations of ninja; and they say if you visit his grave and stay really really quiet, you can still hear him giggle like an idiot or just make out the faint words of a horrible excuse. Of course you have to wait three hours, I mean it _is_Kakashi's grave after all.

-KH-

Taidana Kakashi: Lazy scarecrow.

Annnnnnnnnnnnd that's a wrap

hope you liked it and I hope I didn't offend anybody

And remember never gamble against Naruto, never let allow yourself to be alone in a room with Orochimaru, and R&R.

TT is out.


End file.
